My Plan in a Nutshell (Part I)

A fellow Gyminee user asked what I was doing. Since Gyminee's posting leaves something to be desired, and since I'm doing this whole "blogging thing" anyway, it makes sense to describe what I'm doing here.

It's actually not a big thing, not really. At the most basic level, it's math. Once again, I should mention that when I try to lose weight, I succeed. The question is why, in the past, I've stopped trying. (We'll put aside the times I've stopped ridiculous diets like Atkins. That had to stop.) But, I think that what I'm doing now, the basics at least, provides the basis for a lifelong healthy diet.

On the other hand, if I can toot my own horn for a moment, I have lost about 37 pounds since November 15. That's one to two pound per week, consistently. (I'm also down 44 pounds from my all-time high weight.) Clearly, I'm doing something right (much to the likely chagrin of my physician who thinks I should be eating far fewer calories).

But I should note that my situation is just that: my situation. Everyone has their own mountain to climb, and they may need to take a different approach. Just because it works for me doesn't mean that I believe that it would work for everyone (well, actually, I do sort of, but you'll see why). More importantly, we all have particular hidden obstacles to face, whether we've put them up or allowed someone else to put them up, and there's no one fix for those.

So, anyway, here it goes. My "formula" for weight loss. With no particular organization:

• Maintain a caloric deficit of 500-1000 calories per day. (This will be described in greater detail in another post. For now know that this means that you should burn about 500-1000 caloies more per day than you eat. This includes what you burn by simply existing.) Don't short yourself! I've been averaging 1900-2000 calories per day and losing weight. Food is fuel, and you won't get far without it.


• Eat breakfast. Real food. Every day. Eat right after you get up (or within a reasonable period of time).


• Eat five or six meals and snacks per day, splitting your calories fairly evenly across each meal/snack. Again, this should be real food.


• Eat protein in nearly every meal. (I don't often have protein in nighttime snack, but I do try to have it in every other meal.)


• Eat fruit and/or vegetables in nearly every meal. (My goal is every meal, but it doesn't happen.)


• Eat healthy fats! There is no reason to avoid olive oil, nuts, or peanut butter. Heck, I also see nothing wrong with butter and some not-so-lean meat on ocassion! Just be sure to watch the calories and make sure that fats make up no more than 35% of your food by calories.


• Exercise five times per week. You should sweat and breathe hard. This should include weight/resistance training at least twice per week. Find sports and activities you enjoy.


• Keep yourself hydrated. Your urine should be light or clear. It actually doesn't matter (to me, at least) whether it's plain water or some other calorie-free beverage.


• Don't deny yourself "real food". This leads to a good/bad food mentality. (Or, worse yet, a good/bad person mentality!) The key is moderation.


• Realize that you're sometimes going to need to eat more (or less) depending on circumstances. Just rode your bike for an hour? You'll probably need to eat quite a bit more. Indulged a bit yesterday? You'll probably not be that hungry, and it's OK to eat light today.


• Know that you are NOT on a diet. What you are doing now has to be what you're going to do for your entire life, with certain adjustments. If that doesn't seem do-able, then there's something that needs to change with what you're doing now. (I may make an exception to this later if/when I reach goal and do some "cutting" and "bulking" to efficiently gain muscle and lose fat. But it doesn't apply right now.)

Well, that's all I can think of right now. I will go more in depth about creating and maintaining a caloric deficit in an upcoming post. It just became too unwieldy to try to do it all in one post. Heck, it's a bit unwieldy NOW!

A Lesson in Preparedness

I embarked on a lovely ride yesterday. Southeast Reno. Lots of flat road, beautiful mountains, and even a significant amount of bike lanes. Other than realizing that I was a bit overdressed with my full leggings rather than shorts or knickers, it was set to be a lovely ride.

I kept admiring the beautiful sights and berating myself for being unwilling to stop to take some photographs, but let's face it: when you're cruising along on a beautiful day, the last thing you want to do is stop.

Nevertheless, I found myself in a dead-end parking lot with a beautiful view, so I forced myself to stop. Let's pause a moment and admire the photos, shall we?




Lovely, no? The "No Poaching" sign amuses me. You never know what you'll find in Reno! Oh, one more photo:

What's so special about that photo? I hear you exclaim. Well, if you look into about the center of the photo, you see where I stopped to fix a flat.

You see, after taking these photos, I hopped back on my bike (well, back on the bike seat) and rode off... only to notice an odd feel. Sure enough, I looked down and saw that my front tire was flat. Okiedokie.

So I found a patch of grass, and began the repair process. Right after I realized and corrected the fact that I rested my bike "expensive side down", a nice man in a truck pulled up and asked if I needed help. Since I already confirmed that I had a spare tube, my tire wrenches, a mini-pump, and a CO2 cartridge, I told him I was fine. Besides, if worse came to worst, I had a cell phone. He took another look at my bike and tools sprawled out, and hesitantly drove off.

All right, back to work. The tire came off relatively easily, the tube came out, the new tube went back in, and the tire went back on really easily. (A little too easily, actually. Putting the tire back on was always the hardest part for me.) Pumped it up a bit with the mini-pump and finished it off with the CO2. Propped up the bike and compared the pressure of the newly pumped front tire with the earlier perfectly pumped rear tire. (I always repump right before a ride.)

Wait a minute... Did you, by chance, think this was a happy story? Well, it's not a sad story, exactly, but it is a cautionary tale. Because what did I find when I reached back to feel the pressure of the rear tire? You guessed it: nothing. Flat as flat can be.

Loverly.

I only carry one spare tube. Well, make that carried. I shall carry two from this point forward.

It held a little bit of air, so I tried to pump it up and ride the flat. After stopping twice to repump, I gave up and walked back. Funny how you can ride out in only about 20 minutes, but it takes about an hour to walk back.

Oddly, no one stopped to offer help or a ride back (except for some cyclists, of course). I don't know whether I would have accepted a ride back, but it would have been nice to be asked. Plenty of people with trucks drove by, so it's not like they wouldn't have had space for the bike. Ah, well, no matter. I got in some good walking, and no longer was reluctant to stop to take pictures. You can go here to see the complete photo album.

I was grateful to cyclists who stopped to offer help, but it wasn't "help" I needed, it was a tube, and I wasn't going to make someone else ride with one less tube.

So, in any case, the moral of today's story: Don't believe that you'll only get one flat. Be prepared for more. The guy at the LBS (local bike shop) informed me that he even carries three on long rides. I'll be sure to take that under consideration!

How to Boil Easy-to-Peel Eggs

OK, I made a batch of hard-boiled eggs for ready high-protein snacks and now have them sitting in my refrigerator, ready to go. So, for absolutely no reason, I'm going to give my recipe for the perfectly peelable hard-boiled egg.



Now, don't run away yet. Sure, you know how to boil an egg, but do you know how to prepare it so that the shell peels off in nearly one piece? How to make it so that you don't have to spend precious time picking off all the pieces, often losing some delicious egg meat in the process, and certainly making you think twice about gnoshing on hard-cooked eggs? If you do know, then you're excused and may run off to, perhaps, read the free online copy of Cycle California! Magazine (click the picture of the magazine). If you don't, though, stick around. It's worth it.

First, take out your eggs and let them warm up a bit to room temperature. Poke a hole in the wide end with a safety pin.

Next, get your pot of water boiling. Of course, you want enough water so that the eggs will be submerged when you put them in. I always salt my water, but this probably is inconsequential.

When your water is at a rolling boil, gently add the eggs. (Use a spoon or something so that you can put the eggs in without breaking the shell.) I use the ridiculous double wire whisk/tongs that they sold on late night tv. In fact, that's the only use I've found for those things.

Boil the eggs for 16-20 minutes, depending on how hard you like your hard-boiled eggs. You might get away with boiling for a shorter time, but I've never tried.

Now, this is where the important part begins. A couple of minutes before time is up, prepare a bowl of ice water. I mean ice water. Use half a dozen ice cubes and fill with the coldest water you can get.

When time is up, gently take the eggs from the pot and place in the bowl of ice water. Let sit until cool. Move the eggs to the refrigerator.

What you have now are eggs with shells that you can gently break on a couple of sides, then peel off the shell. (I typically start the process on the big end.) Kind of push sideways as you peel off the shell and membrane so that they sort of slide off and you can get it all off in maybe one or two big pieces. It's seriously wonderful.

How do I think it works? Here's my pseudo-scientific (and probably wrong) explanation: On top of letting air and pressure out of the eggs while boiling, the pinpricks allow water in when the eggs are submerged in the ice cold water. So when you move the eggs from the hot pot to the cold bowl, they suck in just a little bit of water. This water provides a layer of moisture which makes the peel and membrane separate just a bit from the egg. When you peel the egg, there's no picking off the shell piece by piece; it almost wants to come off easily.

Voila! Enjoy your easy to peel hard-boiled eggs as nummy snacks! If you don't eat all (or any of) your yolks, be sure to save some for your doggies or ratties or most other fuzzy animals. They don't have to worry nearly as much about the 9 calories per gram of fat.

(Oh, and sorry for the awfully fuzzy picture. I took it with my iphone and then gobbled up the eggs before I saw the quality online. My bad.)

No Threat of Deprivation Here...

Yeah. So I got that whole deprivation thing off my chest. And now...?

First off, I'm finally healthy again. It's been a slow climb up, but I think that - today - I can finally say that I'm 100%. Yesterday might have been 99.5%, but the weekend certainly was not there. But I got out there and ran, swam, and weight trained. Whew.

And then I got back inside and ate. And ate. And ate.

Am I really that hungry? I'm pretty sure the answer is no. So what's going on?

OK, so I let myself eat at or around maintenance while I was sick. I mean, come on. Should one really throw a caloric deficit on top of everything else when one is suffering from a virus? I say, no reason to kick a body while it's down.

Well, the body's back up. But so is, apparently, my appetite. Or my belly. Or... something.

Fear not, there's nothing to be ashamed of. Although I hit 2855 calories today, Fitday assures me that I still have achieved a caloric restriction of 31 calories today. So there, take that, healthy but "bingey" eating! (HBBE, for short.) No fat blasting today, but we're not building up reserves, either.

Let's reflect, shall we?

• Breakfast: great. Too little fat, though. About 450 calories. Had a nice savory oatmeal/egg/vegetarian "sausage" fritatta-type dish and a green smoothie.
• Morning snack: good. Still low in fat, but OK everywhere else. About 190 calories. Another green smoothie. My morning snacks are a bit low since switching to smoothies. Maybe I should add some nuts here...
• Lunch: good. I made up for some fat here (the ranch dressing always does it), but it was about 410 calories (42% fat). Leftover dinner, salad, half an orange.
• Afternoon snack: Here's where the HBBE started. I landed at 55% fat for the "meal" and very little protein. It started with a quesadilla, almonds, and a ZBar. Finished and should have been more than satisfied. Nope. The True North almond clusters called to me. Um, yeah, let's top off all that fat and carbs with... more fat and carbs! Anyway, they called and I answered. More than once. Still, the HBBE ended with under 850 calories. Certainly not good and not balanced, but let's reflect once again on my past history with Jack in the Box. Yes, things could definitely have been worse. Let's move on.
• Um... second snack? Went to therapy, swam, came home. The almond clusters called to me once more, so I had to put them all in my belly so they'd shut up. Clearly, we will think twice about allowing almond clusters into the house again. Damage: 340 more calories, mostly fat with a little carb/protein.

I can list the rest, but I think it's pretty inconsequential right now. Here are the lessons I'm taking from this.

One: I need to consider planning on cooking dinner right after arriving home. The too-big, unbalanced afternoon snack has occurred on more than one occasion. Sure, it's a little early to have dinner around 3:30 to 4:30, but it makes more sense to continue something that clearly isn't working.

Two: I need to hard boil some eggs and get some more easy-to-grab protein sources stocked up. I suspect that if I had gnoshed on some good proteins, this wouldn't have spiraled like it did.

Three: I need to figure out why I'm willing to eat when I'm not really hungry. Sure, no big damage done, but some part of me is trying to tell me something. I need to figure out how to listen so I can deal with it.

OK, I think I've set up some food for thought. Tomorrow's a fresh day. Chicken thighs are already defrosted and ready to go for tomorrow's... um... Linner? Dunch? Meal#4? Nevermind; I'll figure that out later. One thing at a time.

This is Not About Deprivation

First, please note that I'm sick. So, when you peer at my empty training log, too-variable calories, or nearly certain upcoming plateau (or worse: weight gain), your sympathies are appreciated. Wait, strike that. Your sympathies are appreciated now as well. I can use all the happy, healthful thoughts anyone can spare.

OK, on to today's topic. This one has been jumping out at me for a while. It hits me when I see people talking about how to avoid or replace some particular food that apparently needs to be banished. It smacks me in the face when I look at the nutrition log of someone who simply can't stay on a diet, and it turns out that they're eating maybe 1000 (or fewer) calories of typical "diet" fare. It nudges me when I see certain coworkers dining on only a large bowl of edamame for lunch. It really stopped me dead in my tracks when one of those coworkers walked past me with a half-eaten platter of nachos and apologized.

Apologized?

Yes, as she walked by, she said that she was sorry. She knows that I'm working hard to lose weight and didn't mean to parade "real" food right in front of me, knowing that I'm probably starving. I was flummoxed.

Who's starving?

Well, I suppose I'd be starving if I only ate a big bowl of edamame for lunch. (What kind of lunch is that?) I'd be starving if I eliminated anything that was "real food" from my diet. I'm sorry, but everything I eat today is real food. (Note the italics.) What else is there? No, no need to answer. I know the alternatives to real food. On both sides.

I'm going to posit this: For the greater part of my adult years, I rarely ate real food. I'd subsist almost entirely on food I could get handed to me while I sat in my car. At other times, I'd subsist on almost entirely on protein-based foods, including pancakes made with some sort of protein-based substance. Some times, I'd eschew all "bad" food, and dine on only things that grew out of the ground or had some sort of "organic" label affixed to them. At other times, I'd subsist on almost entirely packaged foods with some sort of "diet" or "100 calorie" phrase plastered across its colorful wrapping. (The colorful wrapping, no doubt, making up for the lack of color inside.)

All of these diets, for better or worse, were devoid of real food. Whether it's all fast food, or all low-calorie fruits, vegetables, and pieces of cardboard masquerading as low-calorie crackers, it's not real food.

But, yet, all of those foods, together, can be real food. The key, I believe, is balance.

It's like basic chemistry. Hydrogen isn't water. Oxygen isn't water. It takes balance to create water. The same thing goes for real food. It's not only hamburgers, and it's not only carrot sticks. It's a delicate balance that satisfies our bodies and minds.

If you enjoy red meat, then go ahead and have a nice, juicy steak for dinner once in a while. But skip the starchy vegetables with oil and choose, instead, two servings of yummy vegetables. Have some nachos when you want them, and increase the amount of fruit and vegetables later in the day. Want waffles? Go ahead, once in a while, and make sure you're getting in protein to balance the sugar.

Perhaps I have a different perspective because I have the luxury of room for calories. I'd rather exercise more than eat less. The good news is that I can keep this up all the way to my goal weight and beyond. I've done the math. Since I'll be active, I'll be able to eat 2000+ calories per day even at maintenance of my "ideal" weight of 135 pounds, if I take myself tha far. I may need to take it down to 1600-1800 when I'm crawling to the target weight finish line, but you'll never see me sit down to a plate of carrot and celery sticks trying to desperately maintain a 1200 calorie diet. Honestly, I don't think anyone should pull down their calories that far.

For a time, years ago, I attended OA, Overeater's Anonymous. Now don't get me wrong, there are people with legitimate eating disorders, and perhaps OA helps them. But here's my problem: How do you abstain from food? Every meeting, people would lament about how they failed at abstinence. Well, of course. You cannot abstain from food. You must not abstain from food. Food=life. We know that, right?

I recently looked for synonyms for the word "diet", knowing that when I use it to refer to my daily nutritional intake (i.e. what I eat), some people might confuse it for me going "on a diet". What did I find? Here you go:


Wait, what? The definition of diet is "abstinence from food"? Seriously? Look at the other words. Regime, restriction, starvation. This is awful. If this is true, then Food=Life, and Diet=Death. I'm not kidding. Look at those synonyms again.

At least the picture looks better a little farther down the thesaurus.

Much, much better. Definition: daily intake of food. Synonyms: daily bread, edibles, grubbery (how fun!), nourishment, nutrition, subsistence, sustenance.

We've got to realize that food is nourishment. It is also grubbery. I think. Let's skip that one. It is also goodies. Yes. Diet, our daily intake of food, is both nutrition and goodies. Why not? It's all about balance. And balance needs everything. We can be unbalanced one way just as easily as we can be unbalanced the other way.

When we want to lead a healthy lifestyle, we need to remember that real food is part of the second view of diet, not the first. Healthy living is not about abstinence; it is about nourishment. It is not about deprivation; it is about sustenance.

My advice: When someone starts talking about "real food", or about eliminating some "bad food", smile and nod, and be gently sympathetic. Then sit down to your meals of healthful, balanced, real food. When they peter out and become frustrated that they just can't continue on their deprivation-based diet, and wonder how you're able to continue improving your health (and reducing your weight, if that's your goal), then remind them that it is not about deprivation. It is about balance. And it's about eating real food.

Random Observations Part II

OK, time for some more happy observations: 

• My heartrate drops down quickly. Almost too quickly. When I drop to a walk from running because my HR monitor yelled at me for working too hard, it seems that I have to start running again almost immediately, or it will yell at me again for not working hard enough!
• I think I'm ready for my smaller swimsuit. When I climbed out of the pool the other day, my current one was actually hanging down in spots and baggy.
• Fruit really is the food of the gods. I am in ecstacy when I eat juicy cantaloupe, pineapple, or - particularly - pummelo.
• Whoever gave dark meat a bad name should be flogged. Broiled chicken thigh has got to be one of the most perfect foods. Protein, iron, flavor, and just enough fat to make it sizzle without adding anything. KFC can't compete.
• I'm not sure whose calves I have, but they're not the ones I was using a few months ago. These are much nicer.
• When I wear pants that fit (not the baggy pants I'm safety-pinning so they'll stay up), I have a decent tush. I wonder if I stole that from the same person I stole the calves from?
• When I wear clothes that fit properly (again, not baggy clothes that hang on me), I get compliments left and right.
• When I look in the mirror, I feel... almost... normal. Maybe I never should have felt otherwise, but I did. That feeling of conspicuousness is eroding.

The Good, the Bad, and the Issues

OK, I'll start with the bad. And the issues. They sort of go hand in hand.

Elsewhere in Internetland, I entered into a conversation about fat loss. When someone said that, second of course to cardio+strength, cardio is the best way to lose fat. I argued that point. (And still maintain that strength training is the best way to lose fat.)

But that's not what I'm upset about right now. I can debate that stuff all day long. My mistake was using a personal experience as evidence for my argument. Big mistake. Because what happens then? Yes, it's apparently an open invitation to critique my personal training priorities.

Ugh.

Seriously, if I want help, I'll ask. I've done it before. I have resources, I use them, and then I make informed decisions. If I need help, I'll post a question on one of the forums I frequent.
Maybe I'm ridiculously petty or defensive, and maybe I walked right into it, but it bothers me when someone offers unsolicited advice. Somehow, it's awfully insulting. I try to avoid doing it myself (or, at the very least, apologize when I can't stop myself), and I don't think it's too much to ask that people don't pass judgement on my decisions unless I ask.

It's even worse when someone claims that my priorities are "ridiculous". Yes, this person said that word. He's in another country, so I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt that he doesn't understand the connotations, but the word still stings. Hey, let me post something about how I'm eating twelve donuts a day and wondering why I'm not losing weight, and then go ahead and call me ridiculous. I'll join in. But while my methods are working, why question them?

The discussion was never even supposed to be about me.

Yes, these are the issues that I battle.

I'm still pondering my visceral reaction during a conversation with my mother. (Note: I try to never let my mother know I'm losing weight. Yes, this is being dealt with in therapy.) She sent me a magazine with a note about some articles that have to do with weight loss. The note said something like, "Read it or throw it out, I love you anyway." The "anyway" gets me. "Either way" would have been so much better. But that's my mom.

But wait, it gets better. When she brought it up in a recent phone call, and I tried to change the subject, she made some reference to how losing weight is difficult. I slipped and said, "Well, I'm trying." Her voice turned to instant sympathy and she said, "I know," as if it was a forgone conclusion that I was failing.

Um, no. When I try, I succeed. The question is why, sometimes, I stop trying. Wait, strike that. The question is why, in the past, I have stopped trying. There, that's much better.

OK, so we've covered the bad and the issues. Now for the good. On the bright side, I have to adore a coworker. She's a triathlete. I won't say that her accomplishments come easily to her, but I am going to appreciate that she's an accomplished athlete. I'd dare say that she's a natural athlete. Anyway, my point: Here I am, all 215 pounds of me, and what does she do? She invites me to join her and her friends in a marathon. A half marathon is available, but nothing less. Yes, it's not until October, but still.

I love it when people can look past the appearance and recognize that I can accomplish great things.

It doesn't matter that I know that it's out of my current grasp; it's wonderful when someone gives me the benefit of the doubt.

Especially a "real" athlete.

I owe her a hug.

The Food on the Wagon Tastes Better

Well, isn't that weird.

For some reason, I decided not to go to the gym today. OK, I'm tired; it's understandable. When contemplating dinner, nothing sounded good. Well, let's be a little more accurate. I seemed determined to have fast food, and nothing sounded good. I decided that Doritos would be good, though.

OK, 7-11 it became. I'll take a free day. (That seemed to be the plan, somehow, before it even became the plan. Weird.) So, anyway, she who is so determined to eat junk food... how about Doritos, Stouffer's Lasagna, a chocolate bar, and a coke. Well, that's certainly some crappy food, isn't it? That's something I would do regularly in my past life.

So, here we go. One free day and some good old fashioned junk food.

It tasted... like... meh.

Shouldn't it have been delicous?

Isn't it always more delicious than the healthy stuff?

Well, isn't it?

Apparently, it isn't.

I had the same "problem" on recent controlled (reasonable; within caloric limits) "cheats" at fast food. I chalked it up to bad cooks or stale food. But it seems that no, really, crap food tastes like crap. I'm not missing out on any delicious food after all.

Have I really been wrong all this time?

When did healthy food become the delicious food?

Isn't that weird?

Isn't that wonderful?

Running by Heart Rate Preliminary Evaluation

Warning, this is an extremely boring post. If you're not in the mood for some number crunching, feel free to watch this youtube video on how Mike from Dirty Jobs stays in shape on the road, and then wander around youtube for some more entertaining education. (Not that you'll catch me doing burbees any time soon.)

OK, let's take a quick look at my running progress from my heartrate training. To recap, I have two basic runs: a "base" run where most of the run/walk occurs at 70-80% of my HRR (heart rate reserve), and a "tempo" run where most of the run/walk occurs at 80-90% of my HRR. It goes without saying that the base run is much longer/farther than the tempo run.

It should be noted that nothing exists in a vacuum. I've been swimming, weight training, cycling, and elliptical training since beginning this training method. There are surely cross-over benefits.

With that said, I am certainly very optimistic from this early data.

Let's look at my base runs first. I'll eliminate the first run because that was a hilly course. The following three were about the same course (if not the same distance). On the second run, I ran 44% of the time. By the fourth, I ran over 50% of the time. In the core running split, I ran/walked at a pace of 14:52/mile for about 39 minutes. This improved to a pace of 14:34/mile for about 44 minutes. That doesn't sound like much, but remember - this is only a difference from the second zone 3 run to the fourth zone 3 run. I say: Not bad. Remember also that this is a very easy run/walk. I'm frustrated when my monitor tells me that my heartrate is too high because I'm really not feeling stressed.

It gets even better when I look at my "tempo" runs. Because these have been basically on the same course, I could compare first to fourth, but - for consistency - I'll compare second to fourth. Now, because the core running split time increased from 12 minutes to 16 minutes, it's a little misleading, but I did improve from running about 44% of the time about 48% of the time. More importantly, I had to take four walking breaks during that 12 minutes, but only had to take three walking breaks during the 16 minute session. Best of all: I improved from a 13:11/mile pace to a 12:38 pace. Remember that I am in no way pushing myself harder (because my HR monitor prevents me from doing so). Rather, I'm simply becoming a fitter, more efficient runner.

Now, the weird thing is that I still do struggle mentally on my "tempo" runs. I expect myself to have to slow down to a walk, but my HR monitor tells me to suck it up -it isn't so bad. I have caught myself running faster to push my heart rate up (and thus justify a walking break), but I realized the short-sightedness of that and now consciously avoid it.

So, overall, I think my running plan is on the right path... so to speak. I'm proud of myself. But I'm also preparing myself for a lot of walking during my upcoming 5k event. That's OK. I'll blame it on the hills. At least I'm getting out there.

The Body Shall Not be Shortchanged

Well, isn't this interesting?

I'll start at the beginning. (Where else?) The majority of this morning's smoothie, I have to confess, went down the drain. In retrospect, it should have gone into the compost bin, but mistakes were made. The other mistake, the primary mistake, was an overdose of a certain ingredient.

Basic recipe: Blueberry/blackberry juice (I had to get rid of my Naked Juice leftovers somehow), spinach, frozen banana, frozen blueberries, frozen raspberries, protein powder with greens. Delicious, right? Yep, I agree. Here's where I went astray: goji berries.

Now, I'm going to assume that goji berries are generally fine. I've eaten snack bars with goji berries and been OK with the unusual flavor. In fact, having purchased a pound of the stuff, I'd better get OK with them again. I think the mistake was the quantity.

When I took my first taste, I was so impressed with my ever-improving smoothie skills. No need for agave nectar, even! Not bad. I doled it out (half now and half for my morning snack) and went on with breakfast.

Then I noticed it. The undertaste, I shall call it. It wasn't even an aftertaste, really, it was always there. It was a smell, as well. It tasted like funky plastic. I tried to overcome it; I really did. I couldn't. Half the morning smoothie and all the snack smoothie went to waste.

The rest of the day I ate crappishly. Not awful, just not very good. I had a salad and two mandarins with lunch, but had little fruit and vegetables otherwise. To make up for the lost calories from the smoothie, I had granola bar type snacks.

After work, no shock here, I was ravenous. Jerky, quesadilla, clif nectar bar, dark chocolate. I simply would not be sated. Wowzers, I realized when I entered it all into fitday, I ate enough calories to cover dinner! Dinner, hours later, became fried eggs (reduced yolk) and catsup. (I really needed to catch up on protein.)

So, what for dessert? Well, here's where it gets interesting. (I know, finally, right?) I looked at my options: dark chocolate, cereal, pudding, ice cream. What did I settle on? Cantaloupe. That's right. After years of dieting on and off, I have absolutely never been a "fruit for dessert" person. But that's what I wanted. And it was the most delicious cantaloupe I've ever eaten. Somehow my body was starving for fruit. Well, no wonder as I hardly had any all day. Sometimes the belly knows what the body needs.

The body shall not be shortchanged.

Day Two

Not only did I survive, but I went on to the pull routine today. Compared to yesterday, it was a walk in the park. (Well, as far as intensity. I couldn't exactly do many reps for all the exercises.) There's something about those big-muscle exercises like lunges and squats that really get the blood pumping. Even push-ups seem to be more intense than what I did today.

Perhaps that's a very good thing. Follow up an insanely difficult (but rewarding) day with an easier day.

Oh, what exactly was this easier day? Again, it's an elliptical sandwich: elliptical to warm-up and a bit of cardio, then a resistance circuit, then back to the elliptical to cool down. The resistance was three circuits of (modified) inverse rows, standard crunches, chin-ups (to the equalizer), and leg raises (an ab exercise that hits the obliques a bit more). The only problem is that the transition is a bit difficult because the equalizers don't stay in the same position between the four exercises. I'll have to plan more carefully next time.

So it looks like a plan that should work for the next couple of months. Now to make sure I continue on plan this time.

If I don't show up at work tomorrow, here's why...

OK, time to come clean. I got these cool Lebert Equalizers for bodyweight strength training (because, somehow, I've developed some weird aversion to isolation exercises). I tell people all the time to consider strength training. I got some advice from the John Stone fitness forums on improving my equalizer routine. I was even offended when my doc told me, quite some time ago, that I should lighten up on the strength training and do a ton of cardio.

So, what have I been doing for the past month plus? That's right: zero strength training and a ton of cardio. What a maroon.

Now, let's shift to a few hours ago. There I am, at home, considering my options. Running is out because it's raining nonstop and freezing cold. (I can take one or the other; I can't take both at the same time.) I still haven't figured out how to do my HR running routine on a treadmill while tracking running vs. walking. Clearly, biking is out as well. I could drive over to the gym for a swim, but I'm just not in the mood and I want something tougher. I have a shiny elliptical in the guest room for days like this and it's calling to me. It hits me: Time to use the elliptical for purpose #3.

Sidebar: I had three main purposes in mind when I plunked down the cash for my elliptical. 1) Cardio for mornings. 2) A cardio option for days when I can't/won't pull myself away from the television. 3) A cardio option for strength training days that doesn't make me feel like a complete loon by doing toe-taps and other standard aerobics tripe. (Don't get me wrong; aerobics in a class are great. Aerobics to a tape are ok. Aerobics all alone to your own music? Not my thing.) OK, moving on.

So I firm up my equalizer routines (push/pull), create a heart monitor program for the whole thing, get suited up, and go. First up: the elliptical. First bit of good news: the elliptical is getting easier and easier. I no longer feel like I'm killing myself just on the lowest level. I'm easily able to get and keep myself in the heartrate zone I want. Great. Twenty minutes later and I'm feeling worked out but not overly worn out. Perfect.

Next up: The Equalizer Push routine. The exercises: Assisted Lunges, Modified Push-ups, Assisted Single-leg Squats, and Dips assisted by feet. The plan: Three non(ish)-stop circuits with two minutes rest between each circuit.

More good news: Assisted lunges are waaaaayyy too easy for me now. (Hey, how'd that happen?) I'll have to get something harder. Bad news: I've lost strength in push-ups. Expected. I'll build back up. Oh-my-gawd-what-the-hell-is-this news: Who the hell came up with assisted one-leg squats (much less unassisted one-leg squats)?!? Three. That was all I could do, and that was with a hell of a lot of assistance. Three. Egads. On to dips and a successful set of twelve... until I realize that my feet are way to close in. Ah well, next set was harder.

But still, those single-leg squats?!? Absolute insanity. (And if you think I was able to maintain three per set, you're not paying attention.)

I catch my breath in my two-minute break and reconsider my plan. My primary plan is now to survive. Yes. Merely to live through the insanity I have wrought. Two circuits later and I climb back on to the elliptical. Yes, climb. This is not just a figure of speech. It takes all my strength and will to get on there. Through the whole ten minutes my legs are rubber and I'm having a heck of a time keeping my heartrate low enough for a cool-down.

But I actually met both goals. I did the elliptical-circuit-elliptical routine. And I survived.

But if I'm not at work tomorrow, I've collapsed somewhere between my bed and the front door. No need to knock. Just bring me some fresh fruit and jerky. And water. Maybe a pillow. I'll be fine.

Presenting "Toy" Number One

Well, this is what it's come to. I'm consistently exercising and eating right, and everything is going well, but I have nothing interesting to say. (OK, OK, even less interesting to say than normal.) So I'm going to "review"/describe one of my favorite "toys". Yes, I'll confess that my wallet hates my lifestyle change. I, on the other hand, love the gadgets and tools. Maybe we'll reach a compromise soon. (Note: Nothing you see here is an affiliate link. I'll let you know if that ever changes.)

So, up first: The Blender Bottle. (If you search around, you can probably find it cheaper through another site.)

Let me tell you: This is no gimmick. The little whisk ball you see in the picture zips around the inside of the bottle (powered by your shaking, of course) and mixes it all up. And I mean it all.

Note: I've tried the others. The ones with a little mixing grate near the top. Even one with a battery-powered blender at the bottom. (Well, actually, that one worked well but had no way of closing, so it wasn't exactly portable.)

It's truly a thing of beauty. Protein powder? Blended. Powdered greens? Smooth. Powdered egg white? Well, there we have one problem. It whips so well that my egg whites become frothy. So, yes, one could complain that it works too well.

Aside from the too-frothy egg whites, I also haven't been able to quite figure out how to drink right after shaking without dripping stuff off the lid. I've resorted to slurping off the lid before I sip. No biggie; it's clean.

Some nice touches:

• Measurements on the side for easy-ish reference. (The -ish is due to a clear choice of form over function, as the marks are formed in the plastic and not drawn on. This means that they will last and don't clutter the design, but it also means that they're quite often hard to see and read.)
• Incredibly easy cleaning. It's top-rack safe, but you can also fill it with hot water and a drop of dish soap and let it "self-clean" by whisking, rinsing, and repeating until water is clear.
• Easy-open and stay-open top. It stays in whatever position you place it. This means you don't get any green, purple, or whatever gunk on the tip of your nose from the cap falling shut. This should, theoretically, also help provide a way to reduce the drips, but all I can cause it to do is save the drips in the groove of the lid. See slurping, above, for my solution. No matter; this is a small price to pay.
• Smooth mixing. Did I make that clear earlier? Seriously, I'm not kidding. I recently added some protein powder to a relatively thick green smoothie, and it blended the powder evenly in seconds. That's probably the hardest challenge I've given it, and it passed with flying colors.

How I use (or have used) it:

• Before I bit the bullet and bought a high-powered blender, I'd buy a whole juice such as Naked Juice. Use half the bottle (8 oz.) of juice, add a little more water, mix in powdered greens and protein powder or egg white. Give it a few shakes, throw it in the work bag without fear of opening, store it in the mini-fridge until my morning snack time, remix for a few seconds, and enjoy.
• Ready-to-go reduced yolk egg mix. I mix something like three whole eggs with powdered egg whites equivalent to 1.5 cups, an appropriate amount of water, and mix away. (The fact that there's yolk in there cuts down on the frothiness.) Store it in the fridge and use on demand for many uses, including omelets, fried-rice, and breakfast mixes in my rice cooker (oatmeal or rice).
• Now that I have a blender capable of whole-fruit/vegetable smoothies, it's the perfect tool for bringing my smoothies with me. I pour half the smoothie into a glass for part of my breakfast and pour the other half in the blenderbottle. Any settling is easily repaired with a few flips of the wrist, and I'm ready to freak out my students with my often-green fruit/veggie smoothie. (They still want me to blend spaghetti and meatballs, but I keep telling them that they're missing the point.)

You can also use it for things like mixing salad dressing, but I've never seen the need. Honestly, with just the uses I've listed above, they've already been a fantastic value. If you make smoothies, protein drinks, or any other drinkables that need to be well mixed, I've seen nothing that beats this. Drink up.

Random Observations

So here are some tiny things I've noticed lately.

• My skin is clearer and smoother.
• I swear I can feel muscle on my upper arms. (I hope no one notices me massaging and admiring them.)
• My belly is significantly more "jiggly". (I don't admire this in public.)
• My hips can no longer touch both sides of the bathtub at once. (Yes, they would actually block the water.)
• My belly no longer juts out as if no mere pants can hold it back.
• My back fat doesn't stick out over my pants and around my bra... as much.
• I don't crave sugary sodas.
• I drive by fast food restaraunts without even thinking about them.
• I am aware enough of my body to actually feel when I'm stressed out enough that my blood pressure rises.
• My cheekbones are starting to emerge.
• I can feel my collarbones again.
• I see just a hint of that beautiful "cut" line my calves had in my major cycling days.
• Clothing that used to fit is becoming just a bit too loose.
• Those shirts hanging in my closet gathering dust because they were just a bit too tight are now fitting just about perfectly.
• More and more frequently, I like what I see in full-length mirrors.

That's all for now. And that's good enough for now.

A Gentler Path to Running

OK, so I made it to week six of the c25k a while ago. Technically, I made it past that. But, really, it was torture. So it's no surprise that I stopped. (Well, to be fair, I also began swimming a lot more because I really began to get it.)

And then it hit me: I have a 5k in, um, seven weeks!

Well, now, that could be a problem.

So, I have two options: Restart and continue the c25k or select another way of training for the 5k. (Well, technically I have a third option of not running the 5k in April, but come on... that's not really an option, now is it?)

As much as I like the c25k, it came with one major problem: I would push myself very hard. I have a habit of doing that. I think I've admitted before that I'd rather die than be last on a hike. (Actually, I did get over that with last week's snowshoe hike with the Sierra Club; I decided that being last would, indeed, be a bit better than having to be rescued by a helicopter.) But my point still stands: I push myself hard.

With the c25k, I'm frequently running in the 165-175 bpm range, even reaching up to 180. (That's quite high for someone with a historical max HR of 185 bpm. I'm still working up the courage to truly test my MHR.) According to everything I'm finding, that is actually in the anaerobic range, and I'm not truly building my aerobic base. Instead, I'm torturing myself in a range referred to as "hot", which does build the lactate threshold, but which even very fit people have difficulty maintaing for long. Well, isn't that interesting?

Warning: technical and yawn-inducing stuff follows. Grab a cup of coffee. That is, of course, if you don't already know my blog well enough to have a cup in your hand already.

So, what to do? After reading around, I've decided two things. One, I'm going to start using my heart rate reserve (HRR) to compute my training zones. This makes sense for me because I've always found given heart rate ranges based on percentage of max HR to be too wimpy, and this gives me somewhat higher ranges. Two, I'm going to use HRR training to spend more time in specific HR zones. I'll have hard days where I'm training in zone four (which still should keep me below 173 bpm, so it will be less torturous than before), and I'll follow it up with easy days in zone three, maxing at 159 bpm. (I don't know whether I should do anything other than warm-ups and cool-downs in zone two.)

Today I went out on a zone three run/walk. (That's the (fuzzy) data you're looking at on the right. Yes, there was much more walking than running, but that's OK. (I also went out on a slightly hilly trail, so that was an additional factor.) In the end, I could tell that I worked out, but I was never really breathing hard. In fact, I felt energized when I got in my car, rather than beat down. According to every resource I own and every one I could find on the internet, that means I was in the perfect zone for increasing cardiovascular fitness. (Isn't that weird? To train aerobically, I should never be breathing really hard. Sort of counterintuitive, isn't it?)

So, here's the basic goal: Go for a set distance for each run/walk while maintaining a target heart range. Try to run more and walk less each time. If everything I read (and believe) is correct, I should be able to slowly transition to running the entire distance.

Now, will this get me to running my 5k by April 11? I'm not sure. But I can always run/walk it. More importantly: Will this get me to running at a pace I can actually maintain and enjoy? That, I'm pretty sure, is a yes.

Comments and suggestions are more than welcome. Assuming anyone kept reading to this point. It's OK if you needed a second cup of coffee. I understand.

Crappy Healthful Food: Precursor or Step One?

A thread gone very wrong over at Gyminee got me thinking about a past food pattern. Let's sum up the heart of that thread as: turkey hot dogs, fruit shakes, and low-calorie snack foods do not make a good diet regardless of calories. There was more, but we'll leave it at that.

So, looking back, I noticed that there's a pattern to my behavior right before going off healthful eating (and back to daily Jack in the Box meals): I stop eating predominantly whole foods and start eating nearly 100% packaged "healthy" crap. Luna bars (yum!), balance bars, 100-calorie snack packs, frozen dinners, etc. Shortly thereafter, I dump all facade of healthful eating (because, let's face it, that really isn't healthful) and go back to the drive-through diet.

(Don't get me wrong. There's a place for those healthful packaged foods, but they cannot and should not make up 100% of one's diet.)

Now, I'm not sure which comes first - the diet dominated by packaged products or whatever flawed mentality I have that leads back to overeating - but I think it's an interesting correlation. Kind of like an alcoholic drinking light beer before dumping back into polishing off bottles of whiskey.

My therapist (in our extremely short time together so far) has surmised that my weight problem is one consequence (symptom?) of my not liking myself enough to take care of myself. Well, that's a significant oversimplification, but you get the idea. (I find it humorous because, when I was a child, my mother told me that I'm overweight because I don't like myself. I responded with something like, "No, Mom, I'm overweight because I really like food. Ah... was I not witty as a child?)

Nevertheless, my point: If one overeats because of a lack of self-care/self-love, can one not begin eating within caloric limits and starve oneself nutritionally? Eliminate all the whole foods out of a diet, and the body and mind, surely, would suffer in a similar way as they would suffer under all fast-food crap. Calories don't enter into it, really.

So, while all calories may be created equal on one level, they certainly are not on another. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Food is fuel. The body needs fuel. Now I'm realizing the greater importance of this: Not any fuel will do. Quality counts.

It's OK to drop back (sometimes)... just don't drop out!

The title is my new motto. I realized that I had been pushing myself too hard with the c25k. Let's face it, running at 227 pounds is harder than running at 200 pounds. Does that mean that I shouldn't? Heck no. It just means that I need to have a respectful relationship with my body. I push, but listen when it's just hit its limit. Come to think of it, shouldn't that relationship always exist? Even "real" athletes know where the boundary is and don't berate themselves for paying attention to it. Of course, they don't let that boundary sit there; they shove it back.

Back to the point. Before hopping on the treadmill, I had decided to drop back to week six. It had been over a week since my last run, and that one was a bit of a struggle. (Did I even finish it as written?) Turns out that I dropped back a bit further, but I'm going to blame the ridiculously high heat in the gym today, with no fan available. Really, it felt like I was running in a sauna! Nevertheless, I was close enough that I'll stick on week six, day one for a while, then move up.

I hit the pool and instantly felt how drained I was. The last two swims, I was finally "getting" it. The swim method I was learning was beginning to really click. Today? Not so much. As the author of the method would say, I was practicing struggle. So, what to do? Darned right: cut the swim short. I'm learning how to swim efficiently; I already know/knew how to flop around in "freestyle", desperate for air, so I didn't need to practice that, for heaven's sake! No shame in climbing out, though, as I did 500 good yards in twenty minutes before stopping. I'll do more next time.

So, all together now: "It's OK to drop back... just don't drop out!" There, doesn't that feel better?

She floats on snow!

Sorry I haven't posted for a while. Nothing much happened. (And for three days, that's literal.) But I haven't jumped off the wagon. I was absolutely drained for three days, and barely able to make it through work. No excuses, though, so despite not exercising, I ate within limits. I'm trying to figure out what caused the "dainage". Current hypotheses: learning to balance work/home/active lifestyle; insufficient protein intake; problems with priorities; or - possibly - low iron (it's been a while since I ate beef). I'm addressing the last possibility by beginning Centrum Performance supplements again. They have iron, and I have to believe that I won't overdose on iron (a legitimate concern) from a common supplement.

Now, on to yesterday's adventure: snowshoeing! My district's wellness program hosted a snowshoe hike and I gathered the courage to go. (I'm still smarting from the humiliation I suffered at the first wellness adventure years ago.) The leader reassured me, and fellow hikers were more than supportive.

While I could certainly feel my body working, it was never anything I couldn't handle, and I could likely have gone harder and/or farther had I needed to. That's good.

In fact, I enjoyed it so much that I ran off and bought (another) pair of snowshoes. Wait, I hear you protest, if you had a pair of snowshoes, then why are you wearing rentals in that picture? And why do you need another pair? Well, yes, Eagle Eyes, I do own a pair.... good for up to 200 total pounds. (I bought them a while ago, when I was much closer to that weight limit and falling fast). Currently at 227 pounds, and unwilling to snowshoe naked, I had to rent from REI.

That brings me to an interesting (to me, at least) tangent. As I was getting the rental, the man explained the feature that would help on steep ascents. Inside, I chuckled; do I look like someone ready to hit that level of ascent, I jokingly wondered. But wait, the rest of my brain later argued, isn't that exactly what I've been wanting: people who don't judge my ability based on my body shape? Well, yes. So, to the anonymous REI clerk, I say: well done. You weren't coddling me, and you weren't simply humoring me. You were genuinely giving me information that you saw me as possibly needing, regardless of my weight. Well done, indeed.

Back to the trip, the ridge was lovely. That's Lake Tahoe in the background, in case you don't recognize it. There's a moonlight hike this coming weekend, and I'm considering joining again, weather willing. I'll have my very own snowshoes to break in for that trip, you know. I suspect that the view won't be as lovely for that trip. Or, maybe, it'll be even lovelier. Only one way to find out.

Ravenous, and yet...

2,550 calories consumed today (well above my target range of 1466-2066) and I can't quite say that they were healthful. I did eat three fruit servings, but only about two veggie servings. Everything else wasn't horrible, but it wasn't clean either. Too much fat; too little protein.

But I'm not upset. Why? I figure there must be a reason I'm so hungry today. Fitday tells me that I'm still averaging a 800+ calorie deficit per day. And even these thoughts weren't enough to reassure me, let's face it: I could have polished off nearly that many calories (over 1,900) in a single meal in my Jack in the Box days.

More importantly, I'm not exactly satisfied with the day. Yeah, my belly is full, but it doesn't feel quite right. I'm not even close to the level of berating myself, but I am at the level that I'm genuinely looking forward to tomorrow's rice-cooker frittata with whole grains, more than half a cup of broccoli, and a high egg white:egg yolk ratio. Yes, truly. Right now, I realize that I miss the satisfied feeling of a body filled with healthful food, and it will feel good to properly nourish my body tomorrow.

The President's Physical Fitness Award Revisited

Join me as I take a trip back to middle school. I have been overweight my whole life, in varying degrees, so you can picture me in middle school. I had a good circle of friends, but the majority of students did not ignore my weight and awkwardness. (Imagine that!)

Now, cut to a day in social studies class. My teacher announces that I have won the Presidential Academic Fitness Award and presents me with a certificate. Being middle school kids, my peers miss the word "academic". (To be fair, so did I, so I was bewildered until I look at the certificate.) They openly snicker and laugh. My teacher, annoyed, reinforces the word "academic". They finally settle down, but the moment lingers.

Isn't it funny what we remember.

But of course I would never have won the Presidential Fitness Award! Other than riding my bike everywhere, I was in awful shape. I couldn't do a single push-up, modified or not. Sit-ups were OK. I couldn't jog to save my life. Let's not even mention horrifyingly, desperately dangling mess that was supposed to be the chin-up. P.E. class was torture for me, and I was genuinely perplexed by people who looked forward to it. So, not only would I have never won the fitness award; I couldn't care less about it. Well, except for the snickers when my peers thought for a second that I had won it.

Now, coming back to today, when I have begun to "get it" with physical fitness, and imagine my curiosity when I learn about the President's Council on Physical Fitness and Sports adult fitness test. Interesting. I pop over for a look. I do find that it's a little short on variety of tests, but it's like a thermometer. It's one reading that creates a baseline. OK, I'm in, I decide, and test myself.

My results as of yesterday:

So it took me a while to remember that the 5th percentile is the bottom fifth percent, not the top. My confusion stemmed from the fact that I first used the walking option to compute my results, and that also landed me in the 5th percentile. Surely, I thought (and still believe) that a sixteen-minute walked mile is nothing to sniff at. Not the top, of course, but the bottom?!? Having thought about it, I have since decided that they're using weight and heart rate (taken immediately after finishing, not thirty seconds after), and it probably skews my results.

So I calculated my 1.5 minute mile time from my c25k speeds. I average at about 14:08-minute miles, so this seemed fair. But I still landed in the bottom 5%.

Really? I do believe that many of my age-group acquaintances could neither run 1.5 miles, nor could they walk a 16-minute mile, so I do have my doubts about the validity of my result. I wonder about the testing sample. Are the results being constantly updated from people who use the test? If so, how many couch potatoes are in the sample, compared to how many fitness fanatics?

Nonetheless, it is a measurement tool. It's something I can do again in three months or six months and use to compare growth. I can only go up from here, right? Right.

UPDATE: See how I improved (or didn't improve) with July's results here.

Relatively Painless

It's a good thing the nurse didn't do a blood pressure check for today's doctor appointment. I worked myself up into such a lather over how I thought the conversation was going to go (not to mention the expected disapproval that I'm still overweight) that I was feeling the stress. I may have even been shaking upon entering the office.

I was all worked up for nothing. Although we've had our back-and-forths (I suppose it is difficult to have laypeople regularly challenge your expertise and - trust me - I'm challenging in more ways than one), he basically took it for granted that someone asking for a referral to a mental health provider has a good reason. I told him my reasoning anyway and he didn't bat an eyelash. Maybe he's satisfied that I'm taking a logical step. Maybe he's just tired of arguing with me. Maybe he undestands more than I've given him credit for. I guess it doesn't matter. The good news is that we see things eye-to-eye on this and I'm on my way to developing a relationship with a mental health professional that I believe will help me break through my mysterious barrier.

Now, if you're paying attention, then you'll expect a running update today. Well, the schedule changed a bit. I was so full of energy yesterday that I just couldn't stay home and take a rest day. (How often does that happen?) So off to the pool I went for a swim (A decent 950 yards of swimming and swim drills). When I entered my exercise in my log, I realized: That was my seventh day of exercise. Oopsie! So, my rest day shifted to today and tomorrow will be my run (and strength training).

Get this: I'm looking at my bright yellow Lebert Equalizers sitting across the room and seriously thinking about doing a quick session. But I know better. My body needs to rest once in a while so that it can continue to improve and get stronger. It is sort of nice to have to force myself to take a rest day rather than forcing myself to get out and do something. I mean, really, that's a switch to be proud of.

Is This What They Call the Wall?

Actually, I know the answer: no. Nevertheless, I have to cut myself a break today on what was supposed to be a 2.5 mile run. I'm not exactly happy about it, but I do have to cut myself some slack considering my running and cycling the past two days.

I wasn't going to stop. I had made it over halfway. But, then, I did. (stop=walk, for the record). It was only going to be a .05 mi. walk. Until it became a .10 mi. walk. Or, make that a .15 mi. walk. Followed up shortly after a short run by another .?? mi. walk. And again. According to my GPS software, I ran about 2.05 miles in total and walked the rest.

(Well, actually, it claims that I jogged 2.05 miles... I'm not fast enough to have ever run, even during my end-of-the-run-sprint, according to the software. Sorry, I don't know if I'll ever be running 10:00 minute miles, Mr. SportTracks, and you'll just have to make due with that.)

You know, though, it wasn't that long ago that I was ecstatic with jogging 90 seconds, so I really shouldn't beat myself up over only running a little over two miles. So I won't. To top it off, I then came home and did my weight training.

All in all, it really was not a bad fitness day. I'll take tomorrow as a rest day and I'll get the 2.5 miles done on Wednesday. Not a problem.

Just Checking In...

I imagine that you, my millions of teeming (imaginary) readers are wondering where I've been. Is she quitting again? Already?!? Well, no. I'm not quitting. In fact, since I'm just doing a check-in, I might as well share a measure I'm taking to prevent quitting in the future.

First, a brief run-down: (1) I completed week six of the c25k. It's solid runs from here on out. Go, me! (2) My bike ride today included a couple of (mole)hills, but I survived and felt pretty darned good about it, after I got the first couple of (flat) miles out, that is. Why are the first few miles so hard? (3) I switched my weight training routine. Why, I realized, should I try to suffer through a month of a routine I loathed, detested, and clearly was not ready for? I have never struggled so much with actively avoiding a resistance routine, and I finally figured out that it was simply too hard for me right now. So I've switched to a routine using my new bright-yellow Lebert Equalizers. (I'll probably post a review of sorts after I use them for a bit longer.) One instant improvement: I'm willing to strength train again. So... things are going pretty well, overall.

Now, my preventative measure: I'm (hopefully) going to start therapy. Therapy? I hear you ask, Why therapy when you're back to doing things right? Well, the thing is that I've learned the pattern: I do great. Until I don't. I have no one to blame for the u-turn except for me, so I've got to work on fixing the problem before I hit the u-turn. If I wait until I change directions, then I simply won't get therapy. But, if I start going now and develop a relationship with a therapist, I figure, the groundwork will be laid so that I can break through that wall, rather than changing directions.

But it's all in your control, you scream, just choose to keep going rather than quitting! Yes, yes, I know that I control my destiny. I've done that for 37 years. Well, since my first diet - thanks to Mom - was at age nine, let's say 28 years. Nevertheless, I get to a point where I make stupid choices. I have no one but myself to blame, so... I guess I need to fix me! (Or, improve, at the least.)

Here's what I'm dreading about this decision: I have to get authorization from my physician. Yes, that will likely be fun. How I picture it:

Oh, look, you're fat again.

Yes, yes I am. But I'm doing something about it.

Well, here's how you should do it.

No, no thank you. I know how to lose weight. That's not the problem.

Clearly you don't, here's how to do it.

No, really, I do. I lost 50 pounds in the past this way, and I've lost over 20 pounds in the present this way. Eat healthfully, eat less, exercise more. It's pure math.

(Grudgingly) So why are you here?

I want approval to see a psychiatriatrist.

Why?

Because I want to finish this weight loss, not stall halfway through.

It's all about food choices.

Yes, I know.

So why the therapist?

Because I figure that if a sane person makes stupid choices for long enough, there must be something not quite right in that otherwise sane person.

But it's all about food choices.

Yes, I know.

So why the therapist?

Um... wait.. let me pick some other excuse for seeing a therapist...

Yes, I know it sounds as if I'm making a mountain out of a molehill, but you don't know this guy. We have a history. You can see it near the bottom of this post. I just hope that I can convince him that, in this, I am right, and I should be authorized to see a psychiatrist. Cross your fingers for me.

Running IS Hard on the Knees.... Sort Of...

She's down!

OK, let's back up. I love running in the dark. I'm not stupid about it, though. I wear a headlamp and, if I'm running in the a.m. darkness, a blinking armband. Our dog, Keena, runs with me, and she'll be a great defense system if I ever need it. She's always on the lookout against threats and, trust me, she'll win if anyone ever tries anything. (Really, though, one look at Keena and they'd think twice anyway.)

But this threat, well, who could have seen this one coming?

Maybe me.

Darn train tracks.

To my credit, I fell into a decent roll. My only real damage is a badly skinned knee. I haven't had this kind of skinned knee since I was eleven. (Seriously: owie!) I'll probably be a bit sore tomorrow, but no harm done. Keena was incredibly sympathetic to my injuries, if you call becoming extremely interested in the base of a nearby bush sympathetic.

I walked a tiny bit and started jogging just in time to misjudge a truck's speed and force it to slow down while crossing the street. (In my defense, it was a zebra crossing, so I did have right of way.) No problems the rest of the way.

So, week 6, day 2 is officially completed. Both one mile running splits were sub 14:00 miles, so I can't complain too much. Up next: 2.25 miles without stopping. I'll be sure to steer clear of railroad tracks. Or, at least, watch where I step.

Taking Victories as They Come.

I just noticed that it's become official: I am no longer morbily obese. I am currently "merely" obese. I do look forward to the day on which I can simply call myself overweight, but I suspect that I may become content in the lower range of the overweight category, shifting my attention to lean muscle mass rather than a number on a BMI chart. (145 lbs will the be magic number that pulls me right to the cusp of a "normal" BMI maximum of 24.9.) But that's a decision to be made about a year down the road.

For now, this victory stands on its own. Go, me!

Footnote: Speaking of BMI, I found something interesting semi-randomly while googling. It's a Flickr set: Illustrated BMI Categories. And no, I'm not there. Maybe I'll throw up a picture at some time in the future, but not yet. One thing at a time.

Why, oh, why do I punish myself so?

So, I'm trudging along on today's run (week six day one of c25k - yay!), and I begin to wonder why, exactly, I'm so focused on pushing myself to becoming a runner. I mean, really, I spent so much energy in my youth convincing people that I was physically unable of running (knees without enough cartilage, you see). I spent over thirty years perfectly satisfied with being a non-runner (at any weight), and here I am, for the second time, pushing myself to become a runner. Why?

I mean, I could lose weight cycling much more easily. Hiking feels great. Weight training is certainly effective and (except for the particular routine I'm currently on) I've not had a problem with it. Those three activities, really, would be enough to achieve a healthy and happy physical state.

So what's with the running?

I have decided that it's the same reason those weight loss shows on television seem to torture contestants: When you prove to yourself that just one previously-impossible feat is actually possible, every challenge becomes achievable.

Yes, I know, you can do anything you set your mind to. We've heard it over and over again, and no one disputes it. And yet, there's this little nagging voice in the back of our minds that always wonders if it is really true. I mean, I can set my mind to learning to fly, and all I'll achieve is a nice stay at the local mental institution. Clearly, the little voice says, we can't do anything just because we decide to.

We can argue with the little voice all we want, explaining that realistic goals are where it's at, but the voice just won't shut up. Until we stomp the voice into the ground by achieving something it's convinced is outside that realm of realistic goals. Until we run a 5k. Or a 10k. Or swim a mile. Or maybe, just maybe, complete a tri.

There is something so absolutely empowering about setting a goal that feels near-impossible and achieving it. I know. I've been there. And I will be there again. And this time, I'll keep going. That little voice is going to learn its lesson once and for all.

Too cold! Too hot! Too small! (Coming soon: Too big!)

OK, so I've established two things:

1) I underdress for riding in the cold.
2) I overdress for running in the cold.

Well, yeah. Duh. I can't run at 16 mph! After yesterday's bike ride (I still shivered through 6.75 miles without losing any fingers to frostbite) I placed an order for a wind jacket and wind-proof cycling gloves. The gloves are no biggie, but the limit in jacket options is a source of frustration. Thank goodness for Team Estrogen!

Actually, getting that jacket was a breeze compared to buying snowpants at REI for a planned (but since sadly cancelled) snowshoe hike. I know, I know: Why carry clothing for larger people since they clearly aren't active? On the other hand, what are larger people supposed to wear when they decide to become active? I'd whine and be angry at "the man", but really I'm angry at myself. It's my own fault that I can't just walk in and pick from many options off the rack.

If all goes as planned, this won't be an issue for long. In fact, if you are a "fat athlete", or know someone who is, be sure to look for my upcoming limited line of lovingly-used plus-sized activewear at ebay!

First Ride of the Year!

January 1, 2009: 9.09 miles on the bike at an average of 13.9 mph. No hills, of course; it was the river path. Oh, sure, it's nothing to sing and dance about, but not too shabby. In fact, it made me - again - wonder why I don't do it more often. (Or, really, considering the last year, at all.)

I made the mistake of telling my father that I rode today instead of yesterday because I wanted to make today the first ride of the year. His response: "If you rode yesterday, that would have been the last of the year." True. But the sad fact stood out: it also would have been the first and only ride of 2008.

Anything else to report? Well, I reluctantly weight trained today. Why am I so reluctant about it? It's an absolute killer. I kid you not. I'm using bodyweight exercises, and trust me: when you're using 234 pounds of bodyweight, those exercises are just too, too much. Except for the one-leg bridges and modified push-ups, my heart/lungs cry out and I get dizzy long before my muscles give up. Well... maybe "long before" is a slight hyperbole, but it is somewhat ironic that my heartrate shoots up more by my weight training than my pre-WT cardio warmup. I suppose it doesn't help that they're "supersets", either. What keeps me going: knowing how awesomely strong I will be in the long run. I mean, think about it. As I build strength and stamina at this weight, think about what that will translate into at a lower weight if I keep up the effort... and manage to avoid passing out and falling into a coma, of course. Small detail.

The picture on the right? That's from the "end of the road" from my river ride today. There were also shopping carts. Shopping carts? The nearest grocery store is waaaayyyy far away. It is a mystery. This hand-scrawled cardboard sign, however, is not. The bike path just stops. Done. Turn around and return to whence you came. "Lands End." This makes me smile.

Cue Pomp and Circumstance

OK, maybe no need for a band... yet. I did finish week four of the c25k plan today. Not such a big deal, perhaps, but important enough because I decided to repeat a day (or more if needed) so that I wouldn't move on until I completed the week four workout exactly as written. Bonus: Each running split was sub-14:00. Yay for me!

I've begun to wonder: What is it, exactly, that prevents some of us from easier success in running? Is it really the body's limit? I mean, sure, one needs to respect the limits of joints, in particular, and cardiovascular fitness does play a role, of course, but there must be something else. After all, when I was young, I could ride for miles and miles and miles. (On an old clunker, mind you. I fondly remember cruising along on Kearny Villa Road and being slowly passed by a "real" cyclist, who looked at my Sears bike, all the other stuff I was carrying, and expressed genuine admiration at my speed, all things considered.) But if I was asked to run around the track? I couldn't make it a single time around the quarter-mile loop without stopping.

How much does an I can't run mentality enter into it? How much of it is pure mind game?

Nevertheless, I'm slowly changing my body, heart, lungs... and mind. Again.

Speaking of mind games, I've made two committments to keep myself in check. I've registered for two "races". One is a demon I need to chase down, and the other is simply a logical goal.

First, for April 11, I've registered for a 5k. The Cool Valley 5k, to be precise. Ask me how much I'm hoping that it's a flat loop. Just ask. (A lot!) If I stay on my current plan, I should have some time to get just a little hill work in before the event. Worst case scenario: I get flashbacks to Virginia City. You know, it's not like Cool, CA is a mountain town, or anything... Nah...

Second: the demon to face. I registered for the Chico Flatflower in 2007. When I heard the predicted weather right before the event, I decided not to go because I would have to camp out and didn't want to have to ride in the rain after sleeping on a cold, hard, wet campground. Or, at least, that was my excuse. Truth, of course, was that I was dropping (dropped) on my training, and I simply didn't feel prepared. Of course: no rain. (Oh, how it added insult to injury when they mailed me my ride swag! I still don't know what to do with that water bottle; I certainly can't use it!)

For this year: I've already registered and booked the hotel room. No excuses. Not this year. Which means... I'd better start getting on the bike! First ride of the year: tomorrow. Sure, the flatflower is "only" 30 miles, but I'm going to need to build a decent base, and I'm basically at zero right now.

Besides, do you think this will be my last cycling event of the year? Of course not! Come to think of it, I do have a little unfinished business in Fallon ... I wonder when registration for that opens...

Clearing out the cobwebs

Well, well, well... Isn't it quite dusty in her? Quite some cleaning to do. I debated long and hard about my options. Option A: Start a brand new blog. Option B: Skip the whole blogging thing. Option C: Bite the bullet and restart this blog.

What the heck am I thinking by picking option C?

Some observations as I wipe off the inches of dust on this blog.

• It's been two and a half years since I first started this blog, and it's been neary two years since I last posted here at all.
• I visited occasionally over that time, although I'm not quite sure why.
• My weight has not yo-yo'd (yo-yo'ed? yo-yoed?) very much in that time. It's yo'ed. That's it. I'm currently at an averaged weight of about 235, having re-peaked at ~254.
• I can be funny when I have a good attitude. I'm glad I have the chance to reread some of my old posts.
• I can be a whiney, self-pitying dud when I get a bad attitude. It's difficult to read the tedious drivel from those days.

So, back to the question above. Why return to the scene of the failure? Because this blog is me, in a sense. If I expect to be able to pick myself up from the ashes and make the changes I've spent a lifetime attempting, then the least I can do is resuscitate this blog.

It seems as if the latter should even be easier than the former, but I'm not sure that's the case. It feels as if there's a little bit of crow on my plate, and perhaps that's as it should be. I hadn't solved all of my problems, and I probably never will. But I can constantly strive for improvement.

That's where I am now. Recognize and honor the past, then face forward and stride purposefully into the future. It feels good.

My Imagination is Evil! (Or, at least, lies.)

Well, hello again.

I've actually been running/walking, biking, and swimming (hey, there's a new one) for a little over a week now. But, there's really been nothing post-worthy. That, and maybe I've been a bit embarassed to write after so many false starts. (Wolf, anyone? With a side of crow?) Regardless, here I am, with a happy story.

About two weeks ago I find myself perusing the bike club calendar, looking for some nice easy rides. Wednesday Workouts starting, I notice. That's nice, but out of my league I'm sure, especially with how long it's been since I really rode. I click for the description anyway. Good for beginners? Interesting. Ettiquette and safety in groups? Definately appropriate. Expected ability: able to ride 10-12 mph nonstop for an hour? Hmmm.... Good question.

I hop on the bike that weekend and find that I can maintain a good 14-15 mph (on the flats, which meets the ride's description) for about 30 minutes. A few days later, I prove that I can maintain it for 45 minutes. That's enough for me... and yet it isn't.

Doubting myself, I call one of the ride organizers to describe myself (it's been a few well-fed and under-excercised months since he's seen me and I make that subtly clear) and ask whether the ride is appropriate for me. His reply is interesting. It starts with, "I'd say yes, but..." then ends with "actually, this ride is perfect for riders like you!" This doesn't help my nagging self-doubts, and he's unable to confirm that others with my challenges will be present to need extra help and patience. "I'd rather have one than zero," he assures. This almost makes it worse.

The $90 worth of new larger (sigh) jerseys I just excitedly bought are in deep trouble of being unused.

I ask others. Should I go? "Yes," they reply, bored at my incessant neediness. They don't understand, I dismiss. I ask the Magic 8-ball the same question. "Doubtful," it gloomily replies, confirming my fears. I even ask the universal decision maker . The negativity continues. Finally, I bribe myself. If I go, I can use my new gym membership afterward with a swim followed by a nice hot-tub soak. Allowing myself a particular shopping splurge may or may not have been promised.

The drive down is difficult. I'm imagining the worst. Elite college atheletes, scoffing at my size and (lack of) ability. I imagine the shame. I picture the not-so-hidden sneers. It'll be like high-school PE all over again, but voluntary this time. I feel the tears welling up. Yes, I'm nearly on the brink of tears.

I'm there, and I've parked. No turning back now. A woman pulls in behind me and confirms that I'm here for the bike ride. She's new too. I mention that I'm here to be majorly outclassed. Smiling, she's relieved to see another unsure cyclist. My arms shoot up in joyous relief. A fellow nervous newbie! If I'm miserable, at least I won't be miserable alone!

Turns out, we weren't the only two. Cyclists of various shapes, ages, abilities and experience levels abounded. We learned very basic pace-line procedures. We rode in circles, practicing. I kept up. I did well... until they hit 18 mph, that is. That's when I dropped back for a few recovery laps. I felt good. I was even complimented on my form. A spectator comments as I ride by, "You've got the biggest smile!" I realize that it's true. I wonder again why I don't do this more often.

The only negative of this ride, is that I should (and do) feel slightly shamed that I was willing to leave the fellow nervous newbie in the dust. My pride at needing to keep up (and being able to do it!) outweighed my decency and attention to her. (My old self-conscious-fat-hiker-with-something-to-prove mantra reared its ugly head: I'd rather die on the trail than be last.) The organizer who had reassured me took the time to to work with her, so I needn't kick myself too hard, but it's a lesson in the golden rule that I'm paying attention to.

My favorite moment: as I packed up my bike, another rider (not one from our slower/newer group) asked if I had fun. After a quick chat including my elite college athlete imaginings, he left me with this: "I hope you had enough fun to do it again." Really? Well, damn. Not a sneer to be found.

This is Not a New Year's Resolution

OK. 227 pounds (yikes). Can't run more than a quarter of a mile at a time again (sigh). My heartrate takes forever to drop down when elevated (grrr). No one to blame for this predicament but myself.

Years ago, I was like most dieters. I would do everything perfectly but then once I did a single thing wrong, I would throw up my hands and exclaim, "Well, that does it! I might as well eat three pints of Häagen-Dazs super premium ice cream of the coffee variety!"

These days, I know better. Every day is a new day. If I mess up today, I have tomorrow to do better.

For the past two and a half months, I began every day knowing that it was a new day and a new opportunity to take better care of my mind and body. And, every day I would make the same decision: Reese's peanut butter cups for breakfast (or similar) and the day would go downhill from there.

Today, for the first time in a very long time, I went for a run. (I had to go running before January to make it clear that it wouldn't be part of a temporary New Year's Resolution. Yes, I have issues.) During the warm up my lower back complained and it didn't stop. Now, this could be that I'm visiting relatives and my lower back doesn't like their mattress, but I'm not so sure. I hadn't programmed my Garmin because I had two voices in my head. One insisted that I would bound out the front door and run 3.1 miles (5k) without stopping. The more reasonable voice countered that I should be pleased to be able to run in half-mile intervals.

Reality was worse yet: after a quarter of a mile I had no choice but to return to walking. For two miles that's what I did: run a quarter of a mile, walk a quarter of a mile. Including warm-up and cool-down I traveled a little less than 2.5 miles. Most depressing: during my ultra-slow (didn't think I could get slower, did ya?) runs, my heart rate reached the 170's. At the end of the quarter-mile walk my heart rate was - wait for it - in the 150's. Oh, this is not good. Three months ago my heart rate would drop to the 130's within a matter of seconds.

Surprising, isn't it? The weight annoys me enough (but it's not like I didn't know). The inability to run saddens me (but I expected that). What angers me the most? That I've lost this much cardiovascular health.

Maybe that's a good sign.