Friday, April 16, 2010

Something good, something bad, something empowering!

OK, here's the good: I'm ready to start doing something about my weight and (lack of) activity. Without really concentrating on it, I'm eating more healthful foods (not OCD, though), getting out there, and feeling good about it. It feels good to be doing things without worrying about how many calories I'm burning and to eat dinner without counting every gram. (No, this is not hyperbole; that is how I lost significant weight.) But here's a change: I'm going to keep my weight private. I won't talk about how much I gained back, and I won't talk about future changes in any specific terms.

Bad: Scold me if you must, but I know of many people who have done well on it, and it just feels like the "right" way to re-kickstart myself. It actually goes against a lot of things I've argued about (deprivation being one), but the benefits make sense to me. So... I've started the Eat Stop Eat style of eating. (Google it if you must, but I'm not sure I think anyone needs the actual book - I bought it for the research information, but there's really not much to the method.) Part of what drew me to it is that I believe that it will be good for me to practice abstaining from foods. I really have trained myself to think that I'm "hungry" if I go more than four hours without eating, and that's just garbage. I may have hunger pangs, but I'm certainly not hungry if I'm not going days without food. Way too much of my life revolves around food, so it feels strong to practice ignoring food for a day here and there.

Empowering: I'm going to a concert. By myself. I'm over the "Oh, I'm such a loser that I can't get anyone to go with me," realized that none of my friends have as great taste in music as I do, and am looking forward to meeting some like-minded people. So, yes, I'm doing this alone, and I'm actually looking forward to practicing chatting up strangers. (Not to mention that this band is fantastic and is sure to be a great show.) For someone with some serious social anxieties, this is huge. I'm excited!