Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Frak Therapy (or not)

Ah, so what was the plan again? Oh, yes. Start seeing a therapist when I'm doing fantastic on the health/fitness/weight loss/transformation. Then, if/when I hit that hump, the therapist can then know me well enough to help me over it.

Well, guess who's bottomed out right out that hump. Yeah, yeah. In many ways I fell off the wagon months ago. But it took school starting for me to stop running in the wagon's dust, pretending to try to catch up. Now I gave myself permission to sit down by the side of the road and start shoveling Snickers bars down my gullet. (Ooh, don't I get nasty when I want to? "Gullet". Well, yes. That's how I feel right now.)

Now, I can hear some of you firing up your keyboards. Stop the negative talk, don't be so hard on yourself. Your weight isn't the most important thing.

Well: no, no, yes but anyway. (In that order.)

I think the negative talk is fair right now, since being permissive is part of what gets me in that place I don't want to be. (Where the only exercise I get is cleaning up empty Doritos bags from the floor.) So maybe I should be negative, and maybe I should be hard on myself. I know the weight is the least of the issues, but my downward spiral is going well beyond weight. I'm supposed to ride a century in less than two weeks. Ha!

So, anywho...

I saw my therapist yesterday. I hadn't seen her for a while. What was her brilliance? That I need to figure out what's going on with me. (Yeah, yeah, I know. That's how it works.)

What was my brilliance? The fact that I set it up so that I have a therapist right now. This is what I need. She won't exactly kick my butt when I see her, but maybe she'll get me to start kicking my own butt. Maybe this time. This time I'll figure out exactly what it is that causes me to do a flip turn.

That's the goal. And I think it's achievable.

1 comment:

Arnþór L. Arnarson said...

Perhaps you just need to focus on doing some thing, as in going out cycling, walking, running, or the first thing that springs to mind.

Just leave the HR monitor at home, don't log anything, just perhaps put a marker on the calender, or not.

And gradually cut down the shit you know is bad, or at least make a stand and resist eating the crap.

Strip everything down, no hassles, just go and do work. Speak with the actions. Live the life and don't worry to much about the chaff of logging everything. Think Rocky simple, just much more laid back.

Back to basics!