Monday, October 19, 2009

Hey, Two Posts in Two Days. Who'da Thunkit?

Success one: Logged all my food today.
Success two: Landed at a caloric deficit.
Success three: Hit the gym and the weights.
OMG: Must I always fry my legs upon reentering training?

Overall: It feels good. And I hope I can walk tomorrow.

Sidenote: Yes, commenting on my last post is disabled. I appreciate that some of you have some very good things to say, but I hope you can understand that I just don't want to open up those issues up to discussion. At least not right now. No offense meant, and I thank you for respecting this. (More than that, I thank you for still being around! You don't know how much your support, even in my silence, means to me.)

Tomorrow: Another step forward.



Cidtalk said...

My life philosophy pretty much takes away all the preciousness of what we consider to be deeply personal "issues". Just strip away the whole notion of what makes these things so crippling to you and get on with your life. Yes, it's that easy, in a very hard sort of way. I say this from a place of very deep respect and empathy. Free yourself from it, or it will suffocate you. Find a balance, not just a whole other extreme way of living your extreme doesn't trump another just because it has less calories and more sweat. :)

Karen said...

Yeah, I get that. In fact, that's something that got brought up very early in therapy: That the more I ignore part of me, the higher the risk that that part of me becomes very powerful and very loud. It is all about balance, but it's hard to find without seeing all aspects. I've been on both sides of that swing, and it's been hard to see the middle from either side. I do know that, ultimately, the middle is what I need to find.

FWIW, I heard what you said in your other comment, and I respect your thoughts. :)

Karen said...

At the same time, I don't know if that balance needs to be in the actual middle. There has to be some room to negotiate and land more on one side than the other. Otherwise no addict could ever find sobriety because there is no middle ground there. And, in many ways, what I'm working through feels like an addiction. No, not to laziness or food or anything like that. But to something. Pure self-destruction, perhaps.

I have to believe that people can change. Part of what I'm working through is breaking through my self-imposed hermitage. I didn't always live like this, so I changed to land where I am now. I have to believe that I can change again.

I know it all sounds so overly dramatic. But that's how it feels right now. I hope to later be able to look back and laugh. But right now I have to deal with what I'm feeling. I can't just shrug it off because, really, that's what I've done for all these years.

FatManRunning said...

I can totally relate to your post of Sunday, October 18. I feel like there's been a war going on inside of me for some time now. There's that part of me that just doesn't care about being healthy (or kind, for that matter), but then there's the other side of me that is desperate the be the type of person I should be--in all my habits, attitudes, and actions.

Anonymous said...

I really enjoy reading your blog. I too have been slipping in the wrong direction lately. Feel like a bear eating all he can before the winter hibernation. I'm getting back on track now and I know you will too... :)