Frak Therapy (or not)

Ah, so what was the plan again? Oh, yes. Start seeing a therapist when I'm doing fantastic on the health/fitness/weight loss/transformation. Then, if/when I hit that hump, the therapist can then know me well enough to help me over it.

Well, guess who's bottomed out right out that hump. Yeah, yeah. In many ways I fell off the wagon months ago. But it took school starting for me to stop running in the wagon's dust, pretending to try to catch up. Now I gave myself permission to sit down by the side of the road and start shoveling Snickers bars down my gullet. (Ooh, don't I get nasty when I want to? "Gullet". Well, yes. That's how I feel right now.)

Now, I can hear some of you firing up your keyboards. Stop the negative talk, don't be so hard on yourself. Your weight isn't the most important thing.

Well: no, no, yes but anyway. (In that order.)

I think the negative talk is fair right now, since being permissive is part of what gets me in that place I don't want to be. (Where the only exercise I get is cleaning up empty Doritos bags from the floor.) So maybe I should be negative, and maybe I should be hard on myself. I know the weight is the least of the issues, but my downward spiral is going well beyond weight. I'm supposed to ride a century in less than two weeks. Ha!

So, anywho...

I saw my therapist yesterday. I hadn't seen her for a while. What was her brilliance? That I need to figure out what's going on with me. (Yeah, yeah, I know. That's how it works.)

What was my brilliance? The fact that I set it up so that I have a therapist right now. This is what I need. She won't exactly kick my butt when I see her, but maybe she'll get me to start kicking my own butt. Maybe this time. This time I'll figure out exactly what it is that causes me to do a flip turn.

That's the goal. And I think it's achievable.

Not Fat Enough. Who Knew?

So a little discussion about my blog fired up elsewhere in internetland. Turns out that a beautiful, young, overweight woman became inspired to start her own blog about being a fat athlete. Good for her. The more of us, the better.

What bemused (and amused) me, however, was that she sorta dissed me for not being fat enough to be a fat athlete.

Knock me over with a twinkie.

Not "athlete" enough, maybe. Not friggin' "blogger" enough (lately), I can get behind. Not even anti-weight-loss enough, sure. But not fat enough? Hm.

Well, you know, I knew the time would come when, perhaps, I would face the confusion the infamous Fat Cyclist faces. He is in no way fat. Now. Back when? Yeah, he used to be fat. But things change. Must he really shed the nickname "Fatty"? Would I have to one day change the name of my blog?

But there was no way that I thought I'd face that sort of... what? scorn? confusion? befuddlement? "you're not a member of our fat club anymore"?... Anyway, there's no way I thought I'd face that when I'm still around sixty pounds overweight.

I mean, I guess I'm not complaining. I guess. It just feels sort of odd. I mean, I'm still fat. I'm not a size four complaining about my (normal) belly pooch. I'm still medically obese. No, I'm not morbidly obese, but I used to be. And now, already, I don't count for some people because I'm not fat enough. And, while I'm happily looking forward to the day that I can't even call myself overeight, I'm somewhat perplexed at the feelings that arise when some say that I'm not overweight enough. What an interesting place to be.

How bizarre.

Priorities: Two Points

Should I insert the obligatory, "Sorry I haven't posted for a while?" Maybe? Maybe not? Well, you choose. Pretend it's there if you want it, pretend it's not there if you don't.

To be honest, my priorities are straight(ish) right now. I'm far from perfect, but I'm not eating gallons of ice cream for breakfast. I'm gaining a few ounces back, and my exercise isn't fabulous, but it's where I need to be for at least a few more weeks. If you're a teacher, you surely understand that the first month or so of a new year can be the most time-consuming. Add the fact that our principal is suddenly adding even more testing into our overworked schedules, and you get even less time. Add the fact that I'm starting one or two (haven't decided whether to drop one) two-year professional development programs, and my time whittles away even more.

So, am I beating myself up for not being particularly athletic right now? Heck no. Even "real" athletes have off-seasons, so that's where I am right now. I'm still in my events, and I'm still training (albeit lightly), so I can't be anything but proud. So there.

So, that's one issue of priorities dealt with. Now for the next: Have you made giving back to the athletic community a priority yet?

I read somewhere about a woman who makes a point of volunteering for at least one event per year. She moves from the competition to support. I don't know about you, but that really clicked for me. Thanks to her, I spent early Sunday morning volunteering for a local race. At the first station, I directed human traffic (10k and half-marathon runners go this way; 5k runners go that). At the second station, I played traffic cop and stopped motorized traffic so that the runners didn't have to slow down.

Was it as fun as running? Surely not. (But it was fun cheering on the runners and admiring their spirit head-on.) More importantly, let's face it: Where would your favorite events be without the sacrifice of volunteers?

So, I ask again: Have you given back yet? I'm not judging, but I am passing on the idea: Just once a year, step to the side and give support to your fellow runners/cyclists/athletes. It's a whole different kind of achievement, but it's achievement nonetheless.

Owie, Owie, OWIE!

OK, there's pain, and then there's PAIN. Today I'm in both.

I started the New Rules of Lifting (for Women) program yesterday. Yay for me! Did my first barbell squats. Or, at least, I did something which was supposed to be barbell squats. I'm not sure how good my form was. The bar felt unstable (side to side) and my form had to change completely from dumbbell squats as my center of gravity was shifted. But I now get why people really love barbell squats: they really do work so much more of the body. I can't wait until I start dead-lifting in my next session.

So my legs (and a few other spots) are sore from yesterday's workout. Good. That's good pain. I actually sorta like this kind of pain. (No, I'm not being kinky.)

The routine also brings push-ups back on the scene. Now, you know me enough to know that I just didn't throw myself on the ground and start push-ups, right? Nah. I did somewhere around 45° pushups, where I did full push-ups against a window ledge. When I'm ready, I'll progress down to 30° and then floor push-ups. No girlie push-ups for me. At least, that's the goal.

But here's where I messed up. I've heard that the elbows should stay tucked in on push-ups. Where? I dunno. Around. I've always let my arms go out naturally, but now I tried to keep my elbows stay by my sides. Because that's what "they" say.

What the bleep was I thinking?

Halfway through my first set, I decide that this is a mistake, but I finished out that way. Why? I dunno. But I grew a brain before my second set and let my elbows go where they wanted to go.

Too late; the damage was done. My left shoulder hurts. Not the "Ooh, I really worked out my shoulders hard" pain, but the "Oooh, what the bleep did I do to myself?" pain.

Then what do I decide to do this evening? I go on an easy run. Dumb, dumb, dumb.

Now I have real pain. The bad pain. The kind of pain where I sometimes have to use my right arm to help my left arm go where I want it to go. I'm taking NSAIDs. I'm icing it. I'm kicking myself. I'm praying I didn't do serious damage.

Although, you really should have seen me try to get my sports bra off after the run. That would have been hilarious to watch. Well, if you didn't care about the fact that my shoulder was hurting so much that I could feel it in my belly. Yeah, that kind of made it slightly less comical.

I appreciate any happy, healthy, healing thoughts you can send in my left shoulder's direction. And I promise I'll stop listening to "them" without doing my own research.

Save the Whales, my Foot!

Nothing to say today. I owe you all a race report before too long, but not today.

Instead, I'll point you to my shock of the day. Perhaps it's old news, but no matter. If you haven't seen PETA's recent (since terminated) "Save the Whales" campaign (which ironically had nothing to do with saving nor with actual whales and hell if I know what it had to with the ethical treatment of animals), you may wish to look here.

I'll admit that I was stunned. Then flabbergasted. Then really, really confused. Because it made no sense. At all. If you're going to refer to overweight people as "whales" and then profess to want to save them, then shouldn't you be not openly mocking them? Be sure to read the explanation about how PETA agrees that, in an ideal world, people shouldn't feel bad about being overweight, but since they do, PETA is going to make them feel shittier because they need "tough love" in order to, um... who the hell knows. PETA sure didn't.

In their honor, I'm going to have a nice, juicy steak.

Our Classroom Objectives are... Oh, Wait

Long time, no post. This probably will continue a bit as I focus on the first few weeks of school. These take a great deal of attention as I realize that what I had planned for a certain day should be replaced or adjusted or whatever, and as I focus on getting to know about two hundred new or new-to-me students. Yes. About two hundred.

As I focus so much on tweaking curriculum and building student relationships, I'm not going to have that much time to focus on food or exercise or, even, blogging. Does this mean that anything is changing or ending? Nope. It just means I won't be tracking heavily. I have slipped on the daily exercise a bit, but I do plan on picking that up no later than Thursday.

Saturday's 5k: I did well, but my time is a matter of debate. I'll explain more later. The bottom line, though, is that I did set a new PR. The question is: What, exactly, is that new PR? Stay tuned to find out.

Wait, don't. It might be a while. Instead, check back often.